I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, Widows and Widowers are some of the most amazing people I have had the honor of meeting.
I was talking with a lady today whose husband died about 2 months ago.
As she told me her story and what she was doing to manage her grief journey, I was reminded of how hard we work to be “OK”.
She admitted that she spent some days sitting on the couch, not being able to accomplish anything. Then she would tell me about a good day that she had. She cleaned up the garden, ran some errands, and made herself a healthy meal – and that was all before 1pm.
Her daughter told her that she should try and do one job a day. So, she decided that the job for the day would be to clean her eaves trough. Seriously – the last time I cleaned my gutters was… never!
I believe an important lesson I can share with widows and widowers is to be kind to yourself. Why do we feel we need to beat ourselves up when we spend a day, afternoon, hour, minute sitting on the couch and regrouping? Why can’t we give ourselves permission to just be?
These times of sitting are often times when we can refocus, clear our head, have a sleep, or zone out and not think about anything. All of that is a necessary part of the grief journey. We need the quiet as much as we need the busy. We need the time to do nothing as much as we need it to scratch things off the to-do list.
When you are sitting and feeling bad because you think you should be doing something, take a moment to remember all that you have done – and you may just amaze yourself with all your accomplishments – like cleaning the gutter!