anchor

Blogger: Beth

This past Friday, July 25th was the 8th anniversary of my husband Scott’s death. It’s not a day I look forward to, and I always struggle with how to mark this milestone in a way that feels meaningful to me. As in previous years, I patiently anticipated the arrival of the 25th, and waited for my emotions to surface. Each year is different. I never have a plan, and I let the day unfold as it may.

This year was quite special in that I elected to spend the evening of the 25th with my friend Marny. She sent me an email in June to ask if I wanted to accompany her to The Tenors at the Elora Festival. When she asked, Marny hadn’t made the connection that the concert was on July 25th, the anniversary of Scott’s death. In accepting the invitation, I didn’t acknowledge the date … I knew that she would remember as the concert drew near. That’s the kind of friend she is …

Marny’s invitation seemed like a sign … a serendipitous opportunity to do something “outside of my grief box”. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend the evening … with my friend and my memories of Scott.

The concert was held in the Gambrel Barn in Elora – an old fashioned barn turned concert venue – in the middle of the countryside. It was like nothing I had ever seen before – a mix of styled concert goers amongst corn stalks and grain silos, and a few port-a-potties!

Marny and I settled into our 5th row seats (amazing!) and enjoyed a lovely glass of Pinot Grigio. The Elora Festival Master of Ceremonies welcomed the crowd, who were quickly on their feet applauding the arrival of The Tenors.

What transpired over the next 2 hours was truly magical. Never in my life have I experienced such a touching and soul-filling performance. The Tenors are a group of 4 Canadian vocalists, who could have raised the roof with their powerful voices. And their song selections couldn’t have been more perfect for our evening of friendship and remembrance:

“Forever Young”
“Anchor Me”
“Because We Believe”
“Bring Him Home”
“Fare Thee Well”
“Amazing Grace”

The concert and the incredible delivery of these magnificent songs reminded me of the joy that can be found in music. On this particular evening I was shocked by the emotions these 4 voices and the music elicited from my heart and mind. At one point I grabbed a tissue from my purse, and at another I was giving a standing ovation and clapping wildly. The music resonated in my soul.

Of all of the musical selections that were so beautifully performed, the lyrics from one particular song stuck with me. “Anchor Me” …. a piece I had never heard before.

With Scott on my mind and in my heart, this song reminded me that, even in death, the memories I have of Scott are there to anchor me. The love that Scott and I shared, and the love that I have for our children, are there to anchor me as well. And that, in times of stress and confusion, I can settle in the knowledge that, in many ways, he is still with me …. his spirit anchoring me through challenging times.

I’ve included the lyrics at the end of this blog, along with a link to the YouTube video. I would encourage you to take a moment to listen, just make sure to have a tissue handy!

If he could hear me, on this night, I would have thanked Scott for being my anchor – in both life and in death.

What I also realized in mulling over the lyrics of this song is that we can have many anchors. With Marny by my side, both on this musical evening, and also for the last 5 years, I felt grateful for our friendship. Marny’s presence in my life has truly been a grounding force. She supports me and celebrates me, unconditionally. I have counted on her on many occasions and she has never let me down. Marny – I dedicate this song to you … thank you for being my anchor.

To end the evening, Marny and I went to The Metcalf pub in Elora. Synchronicity was definitely the theme for the evening …. our waiter’s name was “Scott” and the descriptor on the menu was “Where old friends meet, and new friendships begin”. Not sure if I believe in signs and spirits, but on this night, I did. Either way, I know I am not alone.

“ Anchor Me”

Johan Fransson, Tim Mikael Larsson, Tobias Lundgren, Sean Mcconnell (songwriters)

Oh, my soul is troubled
Oh, my will is worn
Tired and discouraged
Trampled on and torn

Every breath a battle
Every step a war
My heart, a broken vessel
This night, an angry storm

When sadness crashes like an ocean
When fear is deeper than the sea
When I am swallowed by the darkness
Will you come and anchor me?

I cannot see through this
Can you be my eyes?
I’m completely hopeless
Can you shine a light?

I have no more strength left
Can you stand and fight?
I’m dying in this doubt
Can you be my faith tonight?

When sadness crashes like an ocean
When fear is deeper than the sea
When I am swallowed by the darkness
Will you come and anchor me?

Hold me still and hold me close
Until it all passes away
I beg you not to let go

All I really have to know
Is that you are here
And I am not alone

When sadness crashes like an ocean
When fear is deeper than the sea
When I am swallowed by the darkness
Will you come and anchor me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

By | 2017-06-21T13:54:04+00:00 July 29th, 2014|Family, Grief, Widow|1 Comment

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One Comment

  1. Doris McConnell August 10, 2014 at 11:53 pm - Reply

    Wow, Beth, you are so right, this song brings tears to my eyes thinking about Wendy, but also makes me believe that she is still with me.

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